This one is a long one, I know, but they're my blogs from my Myspace page and I decided to transfer them here for two reasons: 1) they reflect on a time when I did not have this blog site to turn to and definitely wish I did because I would have been able to express more and 2) Fab mujer wrote a post that I can't really explain, but you should read, it inspired me to cross post the following blogs....if there are any questions, feel free to ask (oh yeah, they start from most recent to least recent like blogspot blogs)

Saturday, December 16^th, 2006
Boy have I been neglecting this blog
Current mood: Optimistic
I just realized that i had really been neglecting this blog. I can't believe i haven't written since the end of July. So much has changed and definitely for the better. As of yesterday, I officially completed my first semester at school and I think I held it down gradeswise, but I don't know officially. I finally have a new place-just moved in at the beginning of November. It's in Harlem and I love it; near all the stores, good food, train options :) plus it's a short commute everywhere to school, work, and my internship. But of course, now that I'm midway through my year at school, I have to start thinking about the job market all over again. But I would say that this time, it's way more fun-well, maybe not fun, but not so aggravating. In a little more than 6/7 months, I'll be starting my first real job. One that I can hopefully grow in and learn how to move closer to my future goals: whatever they might be lol I guess I posted this as an encouragement really. My last three blogs were full of a lot of anxiety and frustration, but I want people to know that sometimes you need the bumps and bruises to realize what peace is. I have peace now (especially because I'm on vacation for 2 weeks) and though I know it might be fleeting, we all have to remember that life is cyclical. Thats the only way it will always be-ups and downs, but the truth is I'll take 3 downs (like the last 3 blogs) for one up (my life now) and I hope we can all be so lucky...

Wednesday, July 26^th, 2006
Getting nervous…
Current mood: frustrated
so I"m about to start classes this coming week and I should be excited, but i'm not. I"m nervous about the courseload, but more than that I'm afraid that I"m just going through the motions. I don't feel like I always want to do this program, at this school, at this time, ever...I mean granted I understand that I"m lucky to have the opportunity, but that doesn't mean it's the best one for me. I'm so confused and frustrated, I've been working for almost 2 months and the money is great, but I feel like it goes straight to cover bills that I let add up throughout my broke ass undergrad days. My best friend is moving to fucking Kentucky and I'm excited for her because it's a wonderful opportunity that she's getting, but fuck that, I'm going to miss her. i hate feeling out of control and I don't have an apartment lined up yet, money worth a damn, and few options. I thank God for what I do have cuz I'm not stupid enough to be that bitter, but I wish I could get on track and figure something out...my friends laugh and say that I'm lucky or smart or so mature, but I'm really just too OCD to not have something on my plate even if it means a whole lot of somethings I don't care about...where is this rant going? Nowhere really, just need to get it off my chest before I scream...

Tuesday, May 30^th, 2006
I’m feeling some kind of way
Current mood: contemplative
Been a long time since I last wrote. College career officially done, feels fake, but my job search proves that it's very real. You would think NYC would provide all these opportunities, but it's actually been quite difficult to find a job because I need a part time to be able to go to school in the fall. I need this to be over already, the whole school thing. I'm only doing it to try to have some financial stability later, but it sucks when I don't even have money to buy a couple of cute summer shirts and I'm still rocking some KSwiss' from more than two years ago. They say the sacrifice is worth it...can't wait for that ship to pull in.

Wednesday, April 12^th, 2006
I got 99 problems, but grad school ain't one
Current mood: contemplative
Life is oh so confusing. I just got into *o*u*i* University last week-advanced standing MSW program. It's exciting, but it's making me confront a lot of issues that I've been running away from also. I won't give you the oh my God, college is almost over, I don't know what to do rant because it's deeper than that. But it's also too personal to discuss in this medium. At this point, I really just need to concentrate on finishing up these last assignments of my undergrad career. But if you know me, then you know that I can never just focus on any one thing, but alas too much rambling, let me really go to bed and clear my mind if at least for a few hours. Good night all!