Testing, testing, 1,2,3

so, i started this blog more than 2 weeks ago, i believe, and while I had a purpose for its beginning, I am reminded everytime I sign in (and by my best friend http://www.journey2enlightenment.blogspot.com/), that I have yet to post...anything. So now, let's start from the beginning...

if you read the running description under the blog name, you get a little of what this about: who's Latina like me, what does that mean, and does it even matter? I should probably clarify what I mean by that. It's not that my intention is to find out who is just like me, personally or culturally, it is the closer to the opposite. I'm an avid reader (when I can fit it between grad school, interning, and working) who is sometimes puzzled by what appears to be a lack of latina voices in literature. Those that exist are quite powerful, make no mistake about it, but when I'm scanning the B&N aisles, I feel like we're (collective we) are missing in print. So part of me wants to find those voices who are perhaps, not missing, but 'elsewhere', not mainstream, not 'relevant' to everyone else's (everyone being the almighty gringo(a)s life, and thus, invalid. The other part wants to figure out how to combine various readings and voices in a way that I feel represents my life and its struggles. How to combine Almost a Woman by Esmeralda Santiago with Killing Rage by bell hooks with The Latino Wave by Jorge Ramos in a way that makes me understand why I am so...angry or frustrated or disappointed or a word I don't even know just yet. Whatever the word is, it would explain how I feel as an intern in a public defenders office in nyc watching the system hash and rehash the beautiful black and brown people that make New York what it is, that represent its true spirit, that enhance its portrayal of the ultimate place to be/live/work, and yet ultimately mirror the greater system's hatred of our refusal to just DIE.

my intention was to start this blog by posting some of my spoken word on those types of feelings, unresolved emotions, or experiences, you know, and seeing how that goes...but as I searched every inch of my place for my notebook, i realized that I'd lost it forever as a result of a car theft a couple of months ago, as I tried my hardest not to cry, I felt as if I had lost my personal words and feelings, words and feelings that were so hard to put on paper as it is, and yet could so easily be removed...

I remember one of those writings was on words that appear to be frozen from one language to another (in this case, English to Spanish), not that they ceased to exist; they were just incapable of reproduction because I couldn't remember a Spanish phrase...I guess I would say I feel like that right now, even as I type...those words and feelings do not cease to exist, they are just temporarily incapable of reproduction...I could try to remember them, but a vague memory of these writings wouldn't do them justice, what I felt at those moments, I can't pretend to feel now, but maybe this will be the motivation to try again....


so, yeah, all of this, is why I wanted to start a blog...