I saw him
And I wasn’t ready
Busy taking mental notes, conveniently detached
Sorrowful, yet safe
I saw him
I close my eyes
I see him
My soul took a picture it won’t discard
He never saw me, never saw us, never saw it coming
They say he’s 14
His face reads 9
His handcuffs make him a man
Late 20’s, burned out, beaten, and betrayed
I can still see him
Through him
To him
But I’ll never know him
I see his present, his future, see his past
He can’t see me, so close, reaching out with my soul
An empty gesture of sympathy
A burning desire to rescue
A powerlessness only topped by…
His
He can’t see me, can’t see peace, can’t see freedom
So close to him
Breathing down his neck
Enough to torture
Enough to numb
He sees tears,
The boy in him crying for his momma
The man in him wiping them away
Knowing
Not thinking
But knowing
There’s no use
Not here, not now, probably not ever…
And who am I to argue?
The spectator
Observing from the warm chair of detachment,
Who has known pain, fear, and violence
Who has known how to hide it, deny it, reframe it, rephrase it
Minimize it
Minimize it
Minimize it
Minimize it
Til it died…
It’s all a game of survival, getting our bumps and bruises
Some more so than others
But then again who can compare absence
Dearth
Death
Yeah, I saw him
Hell, I see him
Through him
To him
Through me
To me
I called to him
Tried to warn him
My soul cried sooo that I thought I would explode
The pain
The rage
The same
“Run beautiful boy, run, you have to get out of here,
because they hate you
aim to kill you
aim to destroy kill that light
that fire
that soul that will not die
that rises each day
even when the sun shines for someone else
when the rain knows your ache and cries with you
when the cold has to remind you with each piercing blow
that you are alive,
don’t let them kill you
not yet
not like this
you have to live
love
grow
learn….
Learn that you are more than this
Learn that you are stronger than this
Braver than this
I know you are TiReD of this…”
But why can’t he hear me?
Already beaten and burned far beyond his years
Already numbing
hiding
denying
re framing
re phrasing
minimizing
I see him
But he won’t see me
I saw him
But he never saw me
I see him
Through him
To him
Through me
To me
And the difference between us is virtually

Unknown….